Wednesday, July 27, 2011

hearing your voice on the phone just now made my stomach turn. talking to you about her. i thought i was going to puke.

so i hung up the phone and started to cry. and started to have a panic attack. i ran to the bathroom and started digging through the medicine basket for an inhaler, i found it, i used it, my breathing started to slow and calm down. i just stayed there, leaning in the doorframe of the bathroom closet for a minute, letting it hold me up.

when i realized.

i forgot a few of your things in the bathroom closet. i used to love the sight of your stuff everywhere. how your clothes never wind up in the hamper. how you'd spit in the bathtub while you were peeing, and it was gross, but it'd dry up and stick. how you never quite closed the cabinets or drawers in the kitchen.

but the sight of your stuff still tucked away in the closet, all mixed in with mine, only made me start crying again.

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