Thursday, July 28, 2011

long walks equal thoughts.

in trying to wrap my head around all of this i've realized something, that i always knew, that's only being affirmed, again: life isn't a love song, and it isn't a sitcom where you find a conclusion to your problems in 60 minutes, and it isn't a poem with comforting pentameter and a steady, predictable flow of words.

it's raw. and sometimes it's as sweet as chocolate. and sometimes it just hurts.

there's never an easy way out. you can't ever ignore your problems, because if you do, they take over you. you can't blame fear for your failures. sometimes you have to ask for help, and sometimes it's humiliating. and you have to fight like hell to stay open to love, because if you don't, then you'll never have it.

somedays life finds you sitting in your gynecologists office, sans pants, crying your eyes out and holding up all of his appointments behind you. somedays your longtime doctor proves he's a pretty good friend. somedays your mind is so far away, you get lost in your very own neighborhood, having taken a turn onto a street you never knew existed. and somedays what you thought you knew, much to your surprise, was a web of lies.

as much as i feel like i cannot drag myself out of this fog, i know i'll get out of it eventually. as i have a few times before in life. and i'll be okay. it won't be a cute punny primetime packaged process, but i will get out. and just like every time before, i'll be even stronger, even more resilient, and even more open than i was before.

can't touch this. da nuh nuh nuh, da nuh, da nuh.

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