okay so i've been more naughty than nice. but i still have my green eyes on these...
http://www.leviticusjewelry.com/shop/arrow-pendant-necklace.html
http://www.leviticusjewelry.com/shop/squid-tentacle-ring.html
http://www.leviticusjewelry.com/shop/harness/dark-harness.html
http://www.chanel.com/fashion/8-fashion-accessories#8-rounded-slightly-cat-eye-acetate-frame-colored-lambskin-leather-temples-hot-stamped-chanel-logo-quilted-finishing-select-colours-also-available-in-a-polarized-version-5,4,1,7
https://secure.vitamix.com/Vitamix-5200-Super-Healthy-Lifestyle.aspx
http://www.shop.ironfistclothing.com/Ladies-Sketchy-Fox-Scoop-PID21538-IFL0840WEB.aspx
:)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
light bulb.
i've put myself in a place of isolation lately, and it's been terrifying and productive. i'm realizing a lot, having cut so much out of my life.
a) my worth. through a series of dysfunctional relationships and an unhealthy self perception, i let my self worth die a slow and painful death over the years. found myself incapable of finding my worth in myself. this period of self-imposed isolation has helped me realize how very important it is to love myself, to make time for myself and to stand up for myself. a dear friend told me recently... "v, even back in college, you were the perfect student, the perfect employee, but YOU were always a mess. you still have never learned to stop investing in everything and everyone and start investing in you." some people have said i'm being selfish in this process, and maybe i am, but it certainly is a long time coming and very worthwhile.
b) my hobbies. i've neglected so many of my interests over the past few years because i'm too busy trying to fix everything and everyone. as another friend told me, not so recently... "you used to be so interesting. i'm sorry, but you've become boring." because i put all of my energy into others and work and this and that and NONE into myself. this shit stops today. more selfishness? perhaps. but no matter which way you spin it, i think this is something i desperately need to do at this point in my life. be selfish. focus on myself. cut out all the negativity and thrive in community, support and love.
c) my social life. i think i've been using it for years and years now as an escape. an escape from my relationships, my past, myself. no more of that. through that i became far too trusting and not realistic in my expectations of people and how they react, mostly, how they react to me. i'm far too easily crushed by stones being thrown, or disapproval, or what i perceive to be a lack of support or investment in me/our relationship. that's not to say i don't still believe that community is INCREDIBLY important. i think i just need to be more selective about who i let in and how far, and i need to keep myself in check to ensure i'm not hiding behind my natural ability to be a social butterfly.
d) my faith. i have a few core beliefs that have remained intact over the years. but the last six months have shaken even those. i need to rediscover what it is i believe and why. why some things, from a faith perspective, i cling to, without much knowledge as to why. my upbringing. why does the catholic church still mean so much to me? is this something i want to get involved in, despite some beliefs that i do have that are in direct contradiction to some of the fundementals of catholicism? why is it that the prayers i learned as a little girl still mean so much to me today, after years of inactivity? why do they bring inexplicable calm when muttered? these are things i want to explore, in the hopes of becoming a better person, more loving, more patient, more hopeful and more grown.
so there are just a few of the thoughts i'm attempting to organize and file away in my head, attempting to choose where and how to invest in these revelations. i really think the last six months, as painful as they have been, needed to happen. i was in such a monotonous place, simply treading water and making it through each passing day, with no great expectations for myself or my life. i want more from my days, and only i can give myself that.
a) my worth. through a series of dysfunctional relationships and an unhealthy self perception, i let my self worth die a slow and painful death over the years. found myself incapable of finding my worth in myself. this period of self-imposed isolation has helped me realize how very important it is to love myself, to make time for myself and to stand up for myself. a dear friend told me recently... "v, even back in college, you were the perfect student, the perfect employee, but YOU were always a mess. you still have never learned to stop investing in everything and everyone and start investing in you." some people have said i'm being selfish in this process, and maybe i am, but it certainly is a long time coming and very worthwhile.
b) my hobbies. i've neglected so many of my interests over the past few years because i'm too busy trying to fix everything and everyone. as another friend told me, not so recently... "you used to be so interesting. i'm sorry, but you've become boring." because i put all of my energy into others and work and this and that and NONE into myself. this shit stops today. more selfishness? perhaps. but no matter which way you spin it, i think this is something i desperately need to do at this point in my life. be selfish. focus on myself. cut out all the negativity and thrive in community, support and love.
c) my social life. i think i've been using it for years and years now as an escape. an escape from my relationships, my past, myself. no more of that. through that i became far too trusting and not realistic in my expectations of people and how they react, mostly, how they react to me. i'm far too easily crushed by stones being thrown, or disapproval, or what i perceive to be a lack of support or investment in me/our relationship. that's not to say i don't still believe that community is INCREDIBLY important. i think i just need to be more selective about who i let in and how far, and i need to keep myself in check to ensure i'm not hiding behind my natural ability to be a social butterfly.
d) my faith. i have a few core beliefs that have remained intact over the years. but the last six months have shaken even those. i need to rediscover what it is i believe and why. why some things, from a faith perspective, i cling to, without much knowledge as to why. my upbringing. why does the catholic church still mean so much to me? is this something i want to get involved in, despite some beliefs that i do have that are in direct contradiction to some of the fundementals of catholicism? why is it that the prayers i learned as a little girl still mean so much to me today, after years of inactivity? why do they bring inexplicable calm when muttered? these are things i want to explore, in the hopes of becoming a better person, more loving, more patient, more hopeful and more grown.
so there are just a few of the thoughts i'm attempting to organize and file away in my head, attempting to choose where and how to invest in these revelations. i really think the last six months, as painful as they have been, needed to happen. i was in such a monotonous place, simply treading water and making it through each passing day, with no great expectations for myself or my life. i want more from my days, and only i can give myself that.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
just a few thoughts.
a) i am responsible for ALL of my own mistakes and shortcomings, no doubt.
b) EVERYONE has been in a shitty place in life, where they are NOT acting like themselves in any fashion. this does not mean it's okay to judge/cast out/crucify. love is actually a much better recipe to help bring them out.
c) don't throw stones. ever.
d) be aware of your actions, and how they can hurt and wound other people. sometimes you carry blood on your hands whether you like it or not, because you were thoughtless.
e) never, ever let the way somebody does or doesn't treat you convince you of your own worth. know it in your own heart, so nobody can take that knowing away from you.
b) EVERYONE has been in a shitty place in life, where they are NOT acting like themselves in any fashion. this does not mean it's okay to judge/cast out/crucify. love is actually a much better recipe to help bring them out.
c) don't throw stones. ever.
d) be aware of your actions, and how they can hurt and wound other people. sometimes you carry blood on your hands whether you like it or not, because you were thoughtless.
e) never, ever let the way somebody does or doesn't treat you convince you of your own worth. know it in your own heart, so nobody can take that knowing away from you.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
#26
congratulations, boys. words cannot express how proud i am of you, and how excited i am for you. i feel like the world finally sees what i've seen from show #1.
it's so bittersweet, to think about how that entire album was written in his room at our house, walls covered in tour posters, how i felt and heard every riff and every breakdown and every bit of every song for months and months before it ever went to the studio. while i was cooking. while i was sleeping. while i was bathing or brushing my teeth. it STILL to this day echoes through the halls of my home, bounces off the walls and feels like it is part of my soul, stitched on my skin. how i so enjoyed visiting you all while you were recording, how very much i have always missed each of you while you are away.
it's bittersweet because i've anticipated this day for so very long, ready to celebrate as the reviews come pouring in, ready to toast to you, and now, as huge as a part of my life this has been for the past five years, suddenly, it can't be.
now, i'm just another name on another list. and that breaks my heart beyond description.
but. sincerest congratulations, my boys. my brothers. each of you, EACH OF YOU, deserves this. you've done mama hippie proud.
we are monsters on our own, but banded together we overcome.
it's so bittersweet, to think about how that entire album was written in his room at our house, walls covered in tour posters, how i felt and heard every riff and every breakdown and every bit of every song for months and months before it ever went to the studio. while i was cooking. while i was sleeping. while i was bathing or brushing my teeth. it STILL to this day echoes through the halls of my home, bounces off the walls and feels like it is part of my soul, stitched on my skin. how i so enjoyed visiting you all while you were recording, how very much i have always missed each of you while you are away.
it's bittersweet because i've anticipated this day for so very long, ready to celebrate as the reviews come pouring in, ready to toast to you, and now, as huge as a part of my life this has been for the past five years, suddenly, it can't be.
now, i'm just another name on another list. and that breaks my heart beyond description.
but. sincerest congratulations, my boys. my brothers. each of you, EACH OF YOU, deserves this. you've done mama hippie proud.
we are monsters on our own, but banded together we overcome.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
dear superfans.
you try it, then get back to me.
until then, shut the fuck up talking about shit you know NOTHING about.
sincerely,
sorry i spent the last five years getting to know any of you.
until then, shut the fuck up talking about shit you know NOTHING about.
sincerely,
sorry i spent the last five years getting to know any of you.
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